Well, the voices are back. My dose of Zyprexa is too low I guess, maybe because of the baby? The antihistamine that I take at night isn’t even making me sleepy, really, so I am guessing that the baby is throwing things off for me chemically. Here is what the voices are saying…
“You need to kill yourself. You are good at making plans. You should make a plan and follow through. The baby would be better off not living anyway because you are a bad mom. Look at how you screamed at your kids this morning. No, cutting isn’t enough. You don’t deserve to live. Don’t fail at this too like you fail at everything. You are a quitter. You aren’t worth anything. You can’t even do this, can you.”
So now I wait until I find out what dose to get on. I can’t live like this so we will have to be proactive and find a way out of this place. Nothing is more important than keeping this baby and my family safe, and me being dead hurts all of them.
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April 17, 2009 at 7:24 am
naturalgal
Please be careful with the Zyprexa.
What it will do is knock you out, cause you to gain weight and possibly get diabetes.
I know the voices are scary but their are more holistic ways to cope. See if you can find a holistic MD in your area. Drugs cause more problems…and like you said..they aren’t working. I took Zyprexa. I don’t any more.
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April 20, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Me
I approved the previous comment because I hear this a lot. Yes, Zyprexa has a lot of side effects, but it is one of the only two drugs that work for me. Natural ways haven’t worked for me and I am one that no longer believes that natural ways work on bipolar disorder. I can say such a sweeping statement because this is my blog.
I wouldn’t say it off blog because everyone is welcome to their own opinion. In this little part of the world it is my opinion that we are getting to listen to. I have been on a higher dose of Zyprexa now for a weekend and I am already feeling 100% better. I am sleeping again, and deeply. I am up, out of bed, and doing things around the house. I am not suicidal – in fact that is so far from my mind that I am startled to think that I was even considering it.